Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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