Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
