come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
