end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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