I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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