New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my liver is dry heaving
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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