Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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