Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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