he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
