Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
