I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
