I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
