U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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