someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
