Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
