Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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