he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
