If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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