my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His nipple licking is glorious
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