i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am naked and annoyed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
