great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
