I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
