life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
