i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
