I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
