I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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