I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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