Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
