i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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