i would punch a child for taco bell
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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