you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
