so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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