He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
