Fuck appropriateness.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
