Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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