Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
