you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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