I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
