I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I party with great urgency now.
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