So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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