my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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