We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
