Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
