I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
