So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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