im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
