As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
