remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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