i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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