Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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