Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want nice things and good sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
