I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
