We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
