I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize