i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
