I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
