I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
