i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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